ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
