that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
