Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
