He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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