I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
