hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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