My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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