As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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