why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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