Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
