Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes