I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend