If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful