she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.