i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
