I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
