When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
