he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
