Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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