i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
