he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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