I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
ttyl tear gas
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
