Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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