I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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