Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
