well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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