i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
