How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
