I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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