Im at strip club and am horny
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
