Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
