I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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