we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
