My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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