1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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