Welp...herpes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
