...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
