Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
