Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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