I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
