I heard we made out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
