sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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