I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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