Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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