she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
