I hate all girls vehemently.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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