I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
