my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
