you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
