ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
