maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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