On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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