I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
