it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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