Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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