Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
