Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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