so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
