Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
