Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
