WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
