i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
