Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
