Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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