What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
