Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
