Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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