You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
