i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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