FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
