bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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