I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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